How Comfortable is Comfortable?

Feeling comfortable is one of the main reasons I used to hear when two people decide to see each other. But I often wonder : How comfortable is it then you can say it's comfortable? What and where is the line? Even when I go out with my close friend, I still see it awkward when there isn't much conversation between us and there is a lot of silence. That situation made me uncomfortable. Not only that. I couldn't get what's wrong with silence actually and why it could make me feel that way.

First of all, let me brush up my definition for 'comfortable'.

Enjoying a conversation with someone, being able to drop all the formalities, not afraid of showing him your good and your bad, are some ways of how I define 'comfortable.' With these answers, dang dong..., in exam I got A liao lah..

But I really really believe in this as well. When two people can sit together for long hours with not so many words uttered, enjoy the moment of the hectic world in their own solitude parts of mind, without worries that another side will get bored of him/her or question the reasons of his silence, but just feel happy and content only by the presence of another person, and has the confidence that the someone feels the same thing, and if they can choose how long the moment lasts, they will want it to last like forever, they hence have brought the 'comfortable' to a higher level. The most comfortable feeling exists by the most successful communication which would may happen only when two people talk with heart.

An 'A' grade is always good. However today I got a chance to witness the extra mile definition of comfortable which surpasses that particular grade.

In the end, silence did no wrongs at all. Perhaps the only reason is, all the while the words were either misused or over used way too often and too easily till they become habits and attached to oneself. The uncomfortable feeling rises every time one feels left by words and it's the beginning of the question, "Why don't you talk?"

Healthy Internally and Externally

Fire forgot how to burn after he met Ocean. "If Fate does exist, this is it", he said.

I've been staying away from FB for 1 week (apparently it's not that addicting, too difficult then I'm out, too easy no challenge..olala!) and I've been feeling great. It gives me more time to do other things, avoid world's destructive distraction, process the overflow information in the batch slowly, while temporarily stop and filter out the prospective one coming in and self (what-i-want-and-what-i-am-going-to-do) findings and healings : body and soul. And bet I've seen lights!

I was scared of my migraine and eyes' problems in the past few weeks that was getting worse. No matter how many hours I slept and/or rested after work, it seemed that the discomfort was magnified a few times day by day. One night, I had a black dot in my vision which moved as I moved my eyes around. It's actually one of the symptoms of retina detachment and I've been planning to see the eyes specialist if it went on. Luckily, it's not. My friend told me that most probably I was suffered from anemia.

Count me lucky. Was about to purchase some vitamins to overcome it but in the very first lesson of the first meeting in the yoga class, I got the problem solved. With a very simple what so called 'washing eyes' method, gone were the miserable days of eyes' tiredness and pain, migraine, and neck nerves' scream. Today is the fifth day of testing and observing, the third day of working days, and it still works. Hard to believe.

Ask one who just regained his health back, how happy he could be! Ask me, happiness is seeing and feeling a nice weather, having time for loved ones, a good book as company in a long lonely night, being able to pay up the bills every month and still having some to save, having a good family, making great friends, and also quality talks. They are all close, simple, and in reach. Yet none of them can be perfectly enjoyed without a happiness called 'health'. Happiness is realizing that you can still do all the things by yourself physically without any pains or complaints worth complaining. Happiness is about being grateful for still having what we might lose.

And hope, it never vanished. One door might be closed but there are always other doors opened. Mind is getting closer to peace. It's the right time to get the things executed.

Buck up, everybody!

Ideal Life

Somebody and Nobody

The thing about being somebody is, it gets harder to be yourself. People notice you. It's difficult to tell whether others are genuinely themselves around you. The more people know you, the more you have to maintain the constant public image, the more efforts in order to fit into others' expectation, the less freedom of speech, the less you understand your true self.

The thing about being nobody is, no one will ever bother about you. Your world is totally different. You are a free individual. You can be your ugly self. You can dine with a king and befriends with a beggar and no one will talk about it. You can do whatever you like. No one cares to impress you. They'd just be, themselves, and sincere.

However the thing about walking on this the earth is, no matter where you go and how much you manage to turn on the invisible light, nature has a way to find you. You will be always somebody. With a name.

From and To a Stranger

Blame the weather. It always started raining when we're about to knock off work and it's been three consecutive days. To go home, I've to take some ridiculous journey to minimize the impact of the rain on me.

On the second level of the bus, I decided to sit in the first row so I could hang my my wet umbrella. When the person sitting beside me saw I was going to sit next to him, he raised down his feet and sat more politely. Three seconds afterwards, I noticed I was sitting with a look-alike gangster guy. His style, body, and smell! But although I knew there were still a lot of empty seats if I wanted to move, I made up my mind not to as : he will have a not too good feeling, the situation is not really unbearable, I am not really a difficult person, and the top of that, the journey is only 15 minutes. How can't I not stand it?

In the very heavy rain, he must have been crazy to let all the aircon blew over our head. I didn't do anything for that as, I told you it's only 15 minutes, of course I could bear it!! He'd been earlier sitting and I didn't feel I had any rights to change anything around. I respected him for having all the controls.

Coughing after coughing... with a headset set on my ears.

I saw the gangster took out something from his bag. He opened a new mint candy and offered it to me. I didn't hear what he said, but I said, "No. Thank you."

He still kept talking to me so I put off the headset.
He : "Do you want some?"
I again said, "No. Thank you."
He : "Please. Have some. "
I : *Smiled and rejected nicely*. (Why did he insist, is it some kind of drugs?)
He : "It's really good for your throat."

I was really surprised to hear that sentence and him being so thoughtful. I didn't want him to know that I was doubting him. But I was also still in between It's in the package, it couldn't be drugs actually. But why is the hesitation still inside? and It's okay, if something happened with me, at least it's due to my trust to humanity.
(At last) I : "Oh. Thank you. I take one yah!"

Orange mint! And it tasted nice. Right after I tucked it in, I saw him adjusting the aircon to block the air. The gangster was an angel and I was actually a despicable human-being for being that suspicous and I was ashamed.

Yesterday morning, I passed helping out an old woman who looked lost about what bus she needed to take. But in my mind, "She should ask if she needs help." I thought twice whether I had to ask her or not before my bus came and in the end, I left before doing anything.

A few weeks ago, two young children still with their school uniform didn't bring their bus card and didn't have any coins to pay the fare. They had been asking a lot of people in the bus to exchange their money. Since the bus was too crowded, it's quite troublesome to dig inside my bag with a hand grasping the bus hanger. I let them wandering around for quite a long time and again.. I didn't do anything.

Perhaps I haven't since a kindness from a stranger since long long time. The moment the bus alighted, all of sudden I remember them, whom I should have done at least something, but I didn't. Really, oh really... I can be and must be much much much better....

Migraine

I really find it infuriating when I don't know the cause of something. Including my recent migraine.

One of the yoga instructors said he's not taken any single MCs yet in the last one year. I wasn't amazed at all for actually I can have that record as well if the hesitation and laziness are not my boundaries, and make every month worth one day off to be my excuse. I was very proud of my result one or two years ago with a full 1000 (something) antibody, which doctor said can last me at least 5 years without any jabs and which also means my resistance to virus is quite high.

The gastric problem that has been with me since long time ago doesn't really disturb me, unless I didn't take proper meals for a long period of time continuously.

Perhaps it started this year that I feel I'm not that healthy like I used to be. After having some long coughing after several months last year, I was down in the first month of the year. Down, very deep. It took me about one week to fully recover. Fever on and off and an almost 24/7 of coughing that caused a great pain in the ribs.

The most frustating thing comes to any sick people I believe is when they have tried all it takes to get better but the sickness just doesn't get away. They don't know what's wrong, the cause, or what else they need to do. It needs one equality to find out one unknown variables, two for two variables, and so on. It's certain. Very. But I have seen some people that have been going through all the pains and suffering, trying to raise expectations on what seems to be doctors' thoughts and promises, but still meet an empty end.

After the coughing passed, it's now migraine. I cannot say I don't have enough sleeps. Or proper foods. Or enough exercise. The migraines comes more often. There's also a series of weird and bad dreams but very similar one to another in one or two times in a week and insomnia before them. Stupidly interesting and sucks! I'm still doing some study about it. Here is the plot, I will have a strategy on what to do for a counter back. I'm gonna win. In the end, they all will forget their names, their homes, their skills. Oh yeah, they will only remember their boss, which is me of course :). Beautiful? This I promise them...

An Eulogy

It's almost six months ago. My friend and I agreed to make an eulogy for each other just for fun. I was trying to do some files cleaning in the laptop this afternoon before I found the eulogy I made for her at that time. It's not yet finished and still needs some touch-ups here and there. The same with mine. She did it half way and sent it to me via facebook message.

Nevertheless, those writings which are still pure and involve no grammar checking or whatsoever are actually more innocent and show more cuteness.

Enjoy bits of it :

Gue selalu yakin, klo upacara pemakaman meke bakal diadakan di Makasar or somewhere in Indonesia, untuk itu, ada baiknya eulogy gue ditulis dalam bahasa indonesia.. :P
Gue selalu yakin, klo gue bakal meninggalkan dunia yang fana ini terlebih dahulu dari meke, untuk itu gue minta tolong Adrian Istani, salah satu teman terdekat meke, buat ngebantu membacakan eulogy gue ini di pemakamannya meke.. :P

Kita udah berteman sekitar 49 tahun 10 bulan, kalau saja gue ga keburu meninggal, 2 bulan lagi, gue dan meke bakal ngerayain 50 tahun usia persahabatan kami.

49 tahun 10 bulan kebersamaan, gue dan meke melalui banyak suka - duka bersama2...

Sewaktu masih kos bareng, kalau gue punya lagu kesukaan,gue bakal kirim ke meke, karena selera musik kita lebih kurang sama.. Suatu hari, gue ngirim lagu How Could This Happen To Me nya simple plan, beberapa saat sebelum meke ujian praktikum.. seperti yang gue bilang, selera musik kita lebih kurang sama, meke juga suka ama lagunya... So, lagu simple plan diputer terus2an seharian, bahkan sebelum dia pergi ujian praktikum... Pulang dari praktikum, mukanya cemberut tekuk 10 karena katanya ujian kurang sukses... then, dia teriak "How Could This Happen To Me??" hahaha...

Meke dan gue mencintai handbags... Suatu ketika, dalam kunjungan ke Plaza Senayan, kita jatuh cinta dengan satu tas yang ada disana.. Akhirnya diputuskanlah, gue membeli warna biru, dan meke membeli warna pink.. Seminggu setelah tas dibeli, meke balik ke ujung pandang dalam rangka liburan semester. Darah dagang turunan nenek moyang china ga pernah hilang dari meke, liburan diisi sambil jualan, dan tas pink pun terjual! akhirnya kita ga jadi kembaran tas! o_O

Meke is a very cute woman! Pernah suatu malam, dia nelefon gue sambil nangis2 karena baru putus dengan pacar pertamanya... bukannya menghibur, gue malah spontan ketawa..simply because she's so cute!!! very cute!!! even when she's crying!!

to be continued..

I have read it several times since then in fact but it still made my day :).

What are you doing?

A few minutes ago I was so stressed out after realizing that I need to bid so many good-byes. I wished I could release it by foods like some of my friends do so at least my physical state won't be deteriorating as well.

And here it goes. A deep breath...

When it's hot, keep the head cold. When it's cold, keep the heart warm.

I remember my late conversation with a friend just a few days ago. We haven't met up again since we graduated from Primary School. She got married one year ago and is expecting a baby in a month. Since she's been all the while staying in the hometown and right after she graduated from Senior High School, she worked in a jewellery shop, I never expected she had a lot of brand new lessons of life to me.

You know when you get older, it's really hard to get one, as if you've actually heard it from somewhere, only they were put in different words, composed in more beautiful ways, but they are actually the same things, and they are boring. She told me about courting, love, sex, betrayals, proposal, marriage, and at the top of that, she has showed me how simple happiness is. She did knocked my head and it somewhat questioned some of my principles, and opened my eyes to see and understand things in a different direction.

If you ever read or watched Tuesday with Morrie, Mitch Albom for the whole of his life had been focusing on his job too much until he didn't have enough time to his fiancee whom he believed he really loved, neglecting his professor Morrie who's dying whom he believed was the biggest contributor to his current life and whom he respected so much, pushed by the crowds of people to the ground before he finally saw the light : "What the hell am I doing???!!" The same colourful light really hit me.

People tend to know but keep on compromising to give less to who and what are important for them and it leads to lose and forget about the initial objectives of what they are doing.

Hello World!

This is an attempt number one. I had been trying to figure out how to migrate the blog from wordpress to blogger before the world told me they haven't yet invented a way for exported xml file that exceeds 1.5 MB to be imported in. Stupid, no? Within almost 5 years of blogging, I've reached 1.7 MB so far. I never knew I have so many things to say...

Meanwhile I will just live on with the limitation and give them time to resolve the issue and I'll enjoy writing here with the one and only one reason : I love the theme! I love black and white combination (of course, excluding orange -- which wordpress was proposing because they will never match! .. according to my style of fashion). It's been a long time that I try to accomodate my discomfort with the themes in wordpress by switching here and there and hoping I won't get bored. The pressing thing is, after awhile I never see any new themes from them as if they never tried. Customer then walks away...